If there is one way to see 2020, then see it as a life lesson. Irrespective of Covid, a lot of other crises has occurred this year since it has come into existence; and being one of those people who always think everything happens for a reason, I feel that this year is the greatest life lesson in itself. How can we be more present? How can we enjoy this moment when it’s hard? How can we be more productive with our time, especially when finding so much of it free right now?
I got rather anxious at some points of the Covid lockdown…and it was not nice. But sometimes it’s about falling into a pit of bad before you can appreciate the good and finally see the light (even in Covid circumstances). Things get worse before they get better is a phrase I have heard often during this time period…and with Biden having won the American election recently, I think that may be right.
Over the past few months, I had a tonne of epiphanies. I am definitely not the same person as I was 6/7 months ago. I remember typing in my WhatsApp group chat: I think this year is all about change and reflection and being actionable. I still stand by this and whilst it’s been a long time of recluse, I found myself being reminded of how fragile life really is as cliché as that sounds.
It’s hard to retrace my thought process now but eventually, it came to a big what if? thought. What if…tomorrow happens to come to an end, what would I like to do the most today? What would I like to contribute to the earth? The only clear answer that I had is that I want to make art and show it to the world. For once I had a really clear vision, one solid response which actually, almost never happens. I remember wondering years ago what my contribution would be to society. I didn’t know necessarily what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. But this is something that I am so sure about, perhaps more than any other conscious decision that I’ve made before.
Is it a depressing thought? Maybe.
But actually, I wouldn’t see it that way. I honestly think it’s because of this very thought that has ultimately propelled me to continue on my art journey and is therefore, optimistic.
There are a lot of opinions and thoughts and messages I want to send out and express which I haven’t expressed yet. Too many in fact. I started thinking what a shame if people didn’t get to hear them, read them, see them. I’ve had the odd comment here and there of people never knowing what I’m thinking at any given moment. (Shamefully and unintentionally, I think this frustrates people).
I then quickly realised that the way I communicate best is actually through my art – even if I do use a tonne of Pinterest references. Art is my language, what I use to self-express and so I’m using it. I’ve finally found my voice in the world.
As always, thanks for reading.
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