Other Mentions, Writing and Creative Thinking
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Self Doubt and Crying in Work

Let’s be honest – it’s not the topic that I intended to start talking about in 2019 but if not now, then when?

This week started on a mediocre note to say the least (the joke’s on me because I kept saying to my friends in our WhatsApp group that 2019 is the one) but I would say that things improved and now that we’re into more or less Saturday, early morning – I am feeling okay again. (Note: I have hopes still that 2019 is still the one.)

I was reviewing my stats last night and found that last year, I wrote 38 posts in total. That’s not an awful lot because that doesn’t even average 1 post a week.

Having said that, we are onto something today because I have been meaning to talk about more serious topics on the blog for a while. Not only does the timing call for it, but the occasion too.

The period up until Christmas at work has been crazy and for me especially – my work/life balance started to deteriorate gradually until the balance was…non-existent. Sad – I know. But reflecting back, I didn’t realise that this was possibly leading me into a deep, dark place.

I started to stay a bit longer at work – even if it was just half an hour to get extra things done. I’d also go in earlier the next day. Whether or not I was actually more productive…I really couldn’t say. Part of me wants to say yes because I want to affirm that I spent the extra time wisely. But part of me also knows that my mind would just lag later in the day because of overworking myself and God knows there’s only so much your brain can take in a given time. I’m afraid my productivity did not increase but instead my self-doubt did.

If there’s one lesson to be learnt – it’s that your work/life balance is super important. I am still learning about this now and upon further reflection, I realised that this was something that I desperately needed to understand and change.

I am unashamed to say that I am a very hard working person but this can in the worse of times backfire. I end up overworking myself and not remembering to take breaks or worse yet – to have a social life. Even whilst studying at crucial stages in my life I was like this and from experience, I can definitely confirm it’s not great mentally. Sadly, you also forget about experience until you relive it again and that was Monday for me. It’s a vicious cycle.

I cried at some point in work. It’s a little embarrassing to say however I feel that it would be of comfort to a lot of women. I once read an article years ago about women crying in work and I want to say that it shouldn’t be an issue. We’re only human and if anything, I’m glad I cried because it got so much emotion out of me that would’ve otherwise kept hidden. I freed up a lot of constraints and stress that stopped me from being myself in order to be myself again.

It occurred to me that from overworking myself, I had managed to develop enough guilt and self-doubt inside me. Questions of if I was good enough started to appear in my mind. I would feel bad if I took a break and then I’d lag in work eventually anyway because I was tired from the overworking. My guilt would re-start from not having a productive day as a result. This was the deep, dark hole that I managed to create and have since, dug myself out of. I was not feeling good about myself but rest assured, everything has jump-started and I am starting to feel more like myself. I’m also learning to enjoy work a lot and not take everything so seriously.

Surprisingly, for a chilled-out person, I am learning to chill out more. I made myself a rule to not go into work earlier than I need to. I am also learning to be more forgiving to myself, to split my day into breaks and realise that I am good enough. Slowly but surely.

So there you have it – my week in a nutshell and a lesson in self-love, self-confidence and self-gratitude. I guess 2019 really is my year.

How has your week been?


Probably a different post than what you are used to reading on the blog! Have you ever cried in work? Are you hard on yourself? Let me know how you deal with your internal battles and come to the conclusion that you are indeed good enough down below! πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

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7 Comments

  1. I have cried at the office yes! I never had many women around me at work and it didn’t raise sympathy for men.
    I cry easily. I don’t really feel it coming. I can’t stop it either.
    But I am not really hard on myself, not anymore. I say no more often. There is something more important than work waiting for me at home πŸ˜‰

    Hope it will all get better for you!!

    • Thanks! I am okay now. It’s amazing what a good cry can do to you. πŸ˜…I am less hard on myself than when I was still in school but now and again, I do have lapses. It’s not the nicest trait to have but it’s okay once you find your coping mechanism. πŸ™‚

  2. I’m glad that you’re taking more time for self care. As far as writing goes, sometimes it’s better to write fewer posts that you’re proud of than to post something that you aren’t happy with. I think that is a dilemma that lots of bloggers face. I could post a recipe everyday, but I wouldn’t be proud of all of them.

    I enjoy reading your posts and I think that they are well written! As a reader that’s more important than reading a new post every week. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much for your kind and generous comment! 😊I’m really happy that you still take the time to visit and comment on my blog. You’re right. I pretty much only post things I’m 100% happy with. I guess what I mean is I want to be more consistent!

      I’ll have to visit your blog especially if it’s concerning recipes!

      • I think that you’re doing a great job with your blog and look forward to reading anything that you write this year! And thank you! I’ll be posting new recipes soon. πŸ˜€

  3. I’m sorry that work has been so crazy! Is it better now? It’s hard not to put pressure on yourself at work. I mean, it’s WORK and you take it seriously! I let the stuff that happens at work get to me a lot, and I constantly have to remind myself to look at the bigger picture – yes, work is important, but things like family, friends, developing my hobbies, and life outside of work are MORE important in the grand scheme of my life. I’m not going to look back at my life when I’m 80 and wish that I spent more time at work.

    The longer you stay at work, the less productive you tend to become. I’ve found that when I’m still at work around 8pm, my brain starts to shut down and there’s no point in me being there anymore. It’s hard to achieve, but work/life balance is SO important to our sanity. I read a study that some employers are cutting their work weeks to 32 hours instead of the typical 40 hours, because employees actually become more productive when they have less time to work with, plus they have a better work/life balance with more time off.

    Unfortunately I’ve cried TWICE at work, for different reasons and both times in front of a (different) male coworker which just makes it worse. It’s super embarrassing, but I was a little taken aback by the reactions. I kept apologizing profusely for crying, and they both shared personal stories of when THEY cried at work or were just going through a hard time, and both gave me a hug. I felt like it was more uncomfortable for me than it was for them. I still don’t ever want to do it again though, haha.

    • Thank you for reading! Definitely A LOT better, especially today – I am showing signs of being happy again. I think work have recognised that I have been overworking myself and have been stressed by how busy it has been. It’s also been tough because as a team, we never got disbanded (people I trained with) as opposed to most other intakes which were disbanded and got to learn from more experienced people on the floor so in a way our group has been swimming blind until we ask a question.

      I’ve had lots of training this week and there has been some new guys on the team from other teams (it’s a thing in my work place to mix up the teams now and again).

      I’ve also started to get to work just on time – like 5/10 minutes early rather than anything crazy – that actually adds to the stress because you are preparing your mind for a big and stressful day.

      I’m about to chill out now so I guess yeah, the work/life balance is in progress for sure. πŸ™‚

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