I don’t normally ‘do life updates’ and wouldn’t as so much call this one either (despite the tag!), but I really want to make this post, so take it as you will. The reason why I wouldn’t exactly call this a life update is because I strongly think everyone’s life is somewhat private and they always retain that right for it to remain so. I always think that bloggers, vloggers and celebrities don’t owe anything to us. That’s not to say they shouldn’t owe it to us for their fame and success – but let’s get real, they really don’t owe their lives to us. As that means feeling sorry rather than being thankful, in which case, you should owe it to yourself. Be thankful.
If you spend your whole life owing it to someone else, particularly if you’re famous and successful so to speak, then…when is it ever going to stop? Probably never. Learn to owe it to yourself: be thankful for the life that you have created for yourself. And if not, it’s okay – work on that life. You only have one.
I’ve been considering a lot of things in the last few months…the whole year maybe. To be a bit more descriptive, I’m in the midst of a career/path change but funnily enough, it’s the most I’ve been in peace with myself. Since graduating, I set up this blog sometime shortly from not knowing what to write at all, to having so many ideas that my mind could explode. It’s become so much more colourful. If you read some of my entries from 2014, I don’t think they were necessarily bad but what changed is that I write more freely now, confident…and somehow writing has matured me as a person. Perhaps this is the peace that I am finding.
I used to be a really stressful person and believe me – I have had some of my moments where the stress has caused me to cry horribly. I don’t know what it was but I had this immense pressure to do well in everything, and looking back, I was definitely too harsh on myself and gave myself less credit than one should hope. It was awful. I was really good at solving other people’s problems, listening to them but why was I so bad with my own? I was running myself dry and almost lost a friend through ‘being so busy all the time with school’ but now we are closer than ever (plus she reads my blog!). It was the realisation that I needed to let myself know I wasn’t living a healthy life despite the good results on paper. I needed change.
Unless I think about it, I often forget that I used to be that stressful person. In fact, writing those few words resurfaced some of those memories and since it’s Thanksgiving this week, it seems timely to be thankful of how far I’ve come as a person. And thankful for the peace that i am finding within myself.
From a young age, I was very observant and was good at reading people’s emotions. I even picked up on how someone (or rather a bunch of people) wasn’t happy at their job. I think that must have left an impression on me to find a job that I truly love and enjoy, and not let it be one of a chore, one to simply pay the bills (even if that is a reality for some). But being a fully-grown adult now, things pan out a little differently and no matter how you try to plan your life, the outcome is always different to how you had imagined it all to be.
I would like to reiterate that I am in no way dissing those who are working to pay the bills. By all means, do what you must do. It pays off (literally) and it is admirable to maintain a certain lifestyle in this day and age. But if you find yourself unhappy then you might start questioning yourself ‘why?’ and make a change. For me, I couldn’t imagine myself being in a corporate job but as to not seem close-minded, I applied for one anyway, only to be rejected. (I got the news this Thursday evening hence this post.)
But for what it’s worth, it really felt like a calling. That it wasn’t meant to be. And that’s okay because it wasn’t a job that I really wanted. It was a job that I could do and learn, because I am an eternal learner – but I shouldn’t be forceful and I am sure some were more worthy candidates than I ever was. I am thankful for this calling. I am thankful that through my application, they were happy enough to even give me an interview (which by the way, happened to be on SKYPE). I am thankful for having the experience of getting up so early to have breakfast, to dress formally, to do my makeup properly, to be ready.
Of course I was a little disappointed when I got the news via e-mail. Truthfully though, the disappointment didn’t last long which, had it been a younger me, I might have actually felt more disappointed. I am thankful for my brother who comforted me almost immediately to say my luck will come in the new year and thereafter. I am thankful for my mother who is supportive of me no matter what. I am thankful for my closest of friends who tell me I’m amazing regardless of whether I get the job or not.
My point being is – I have so much to be thankful for! My life is so rich! A job position doesn’t define me (or anyone) as a person. It could be the beginning for me but not so much the end. Hell, a 30-minute interview doesn’t define me! I am unapologetic for being the way I am, for being a Creative and I guess the calling was for me to not change this part of who I am. I will continue job-hunting, and I will continue to create the life that I want to live.
Lastly, I am thankful for this blog and that you guys are in it with me. I am thankful that I get to challenge myself in writing content that hopefully inspires you, because for me definitely, I have learnt so much about self-care, self-love and inner peace.
This post ended up being much longer than I thought it would be but I felt that I covered all the grounds that I wanted to cover.
Let’s stay connected: