My skin at least.
It’s a constant battle. There’s the calm before the storm. Then there’s the aftermath which is the worse bit as you’re left to pick up the pieces and attempt to ‘fix’ your skin again. (I hate that word. It’s such an artificial word and suggests there was something very wrong when many more people suffer the same way.)
It destroys your confidence and you feel like you’re back to zero again. Back to square one. The feeling of heartbreak at this point, is quite an understatement as you look to calm yourself (and your skin) down again but inevitably just feel all-round shitty about yourself. Feeling deflated and deadbeat is probably a better way to put it. Although don’t get me wrong, I have my good days too and generally have better control now.
The idea of skin first came to my attention at the age of 12. And I’m not even talking about acne, pimples and blemishes although I did experience those things. I’m talking about a skin condition that solidly made me aware of the rawness of my skin. And every time my skin flares up, I’m reverted back to 12-year-old me.
The reason why I’m even mentioning this now is because some weekends ago I experienced a skin mishap if you will, through the edible intake of chilli in my meal. What makes this experience worse is that I willingly consumed a little bit when I knowingly had it in my mind that it’d affect me somewhat. Not to mention, I don’t particularly enjoy eating chilli or any spice. Incredibly stupid I know. I’m apparently that person who doesn’t like to chicken out and say no to certain things it seems. As a fully grown adult, I should know better and that upset me more and threw me off-balance regarding my diet, condition, everything.
I don’t like being the person not being able to eat chilli at all. Yet I’m sure that it doesn’t make me any less of a person, or that I’m missing out on much. It’s less to do with me not enjoying it and more to do with how the smallest amount can flare me up, set my mouth on fire and make me want to drown myself in water. The purest kind.
I get embarrassed by this trigger which is a double-tragedy as my cheeks – whole face is flaring up and looking more beetroot-red by the second. Each time this happens, I remember exactly why I don’t eat chilli too often or often at all. That I shouldn’t be so ashamed for not being able to eat spicy foods or looking like a wimp because the aftermath of it sucks. Usually some time goes by and then an opportunity presents itself again for me to eat spicy food as if I can train myself to be better.
But no. The red cheeks give it away every time. And I haven’t gotten ‘better’.
The last incident as far as food triggers go was probably the worse. Usually, my cheeks can get quite red as they warm up, but as long as I take my time and have some water, this dissolves. Like a temporary blush. This time, it was more – my whole face was just really red to the point that I couldn’t hide it. That I was getting strange looks – really strange looks which I couldn’t fathom at first. Then I realised.
My skin was on fire.
My mum was the first to really notice. Why is your face so red? The worse is that this became a bit of a joke in the family because my face was apparently that red, that funny-looking like a monkey’s ass! (That was not the description used. But you see, the point being, my family don’t know how to save me from embarrassment; they like to push me towards it.)
And if you haven’t quite deciphered yet…this isn’t funny to me. I’d love for every inch of my skin to be ‘normal’ but I guess I’m going to just have to deal with the rawness of my skin whilst continuing to look for lifestyle changes to prevent future flare-ups.
Oh, and obviously no chilli from now on.
Do you suffer from any food triggers? Or from any skin conditions?
I realise that I didn’t exactly say what skin conditions I suffer from. I notably suffer from eczema and psoriasis. It feels strange admitting that because I am not used to admitting it at all. But it is something that I’d like to talk about more on the blog eventually. Would you guys be interested? Let me know. 😉 ❤